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Status Updates posted by Kiernon

  1. Forgive me the whining but if I don't get this out of my system somehow I'm going to explode.

    So my cat just died. On the way to the vet, with no warning besides him refusing to eat yesterday. Gastric cancer presumably.


    I'm at a loss for words. Everything reminds me of the 15 years he's been a part of my life and that he's just gone now.

    I keep losing my train of thought, the only thing that's coming to me is "FUCK!!!" Big, angry, red, capital letters, multiple exclamation marks and all, I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs. That and the icy razor in my gut.

    There's never a good timing for these things but this is the worst, there's nobody around I can talk to. I'm afraid I'm just asking for another bout of depression. Actually afraid, because I dread the havoc it would wreak on the fragile semblance of order I built in my daily life.

    I can't even decide if I want to yell or cry.

    If anyone needs me I'll be wallowing in misery under my blanket. Then trying to force myself to go out and see people.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Kiernon


      Don't you worry, you're not intruding. I wouldn't have posted this if I didn't seek dialogue.

      In fact your reply means a lot to me because I don't actually have a lot of friends and this community is precious to me. Thank you.

      The loss of a loved pet seems like something most people can empathize with regardless of knowing the other person or not.

      But if you happen to be interested in myself and why I'm making such a big deal out of this it's in part because I've had him for half my life and in part because of my mental condition.

      I'm suffering from living with depression, I'm terrible with people I'm not familiar with and I don't leave the house often.

      It's almost like I've lost a friend on Monday. 


      The last two days were hard, trying to go to sleep on Monday night in particular, but I'm slowly regaining my mental balance.

      I fiercely miss my cat but I'm not falling down the dark pit I've been afraid of.

      Things aren't all right but they could be worse.

      A huge part of this is owed to a friend who despite being unable to see me in person on account of living on the other end of Germany spent five hours on the phone talking to me.

      What my friends are lacking in quantity they make up in quality. And that seems like a fine thought to end on.

    3. Mayahuel


      Oh, I'm so glad! And I'm very happy to hear that you had someone who was such a great friend who took the time to make sure you had a shoulder to lean on. That's fantastic.

      Living with depression is a tough battle that a couple of very dear friends of mine also struggle through each day. I would never presume to know how hard that is, but I think it says a lot about your progress/coping abilities that you are open about it and that you can reach out to your friends when you need a boost. 

      On a completely different note, I think that your writing is really lovely and it was your character profile for Ryjalon that inspired me to create an IC blog of my own, which has given me all sorts of great creative outlets to explore. So thank you for that.  :-)

    4. Ciritty


      I need to visit the forum more... so sorry Kiernon :(

  2. Busy, busy, busy.

    So I've not fallen off the face of the planet, I'm just busy trying to get myself employed.

    It's not going particularly well.

    If anyone ever invents timetravel I'd like to go back six years and give myself a motivational kick in the behind. Would at least save me a lot of annoying questions.

    Yes I realize I'm older than your average applicant, what do you expect me to do about it, age backwards?

  3. In one of the rare occasions that see me leaving the house I'm going to see Fiddler's Green.

  4. After careful review I  come to the conclusion that being sick is largely overrated.

    I'm spending most of my day burying myself under blankets because I'm freezing only to throw them aside 5 minutes later because I feel like I'm boiling, 5 minutes later I'm reaching for the blankets because I'm freezing...

    Let's not even talk about the never ending stream of Filth coming from my nose.

    At least I can browse the forums (must. avoid. spoilers.) and chew through my backlog of books

  5. After being on a train for 5 hours twice in the past week I feel like I've caught something.

    My throat is killing me :(

    I don't need being sick now, dammit!

  6. Moar status updates!

    I just watched Time of Eve: The Movie, now I'm trying to locate the onion cutting ninjas hiding in my room.

  7. Fooling around trying to add color to a pencil sketch of mine.

    Turns out this is actually hard.

    Doesn't help that the picture I took of the sketch is terrible. (Attaching the version I'm working with just to see how attaching stuff works)

    I seem to be getting the hang of the basics, never mind that somehow 5am managed to sneak up on me...


    no matter how horrible the end result turns out to be


    1. kuro



  8. Not everything posted on the internet is true.

    -- Julius Caesar


    Remember folks, it's "believe nothing day".

    If it sounds too good to be true it's likely a hoax.

    If it sounds outrageous it's likely a hoax.

    If it sounds so retarded you want to repeatedly hit your head on your desk it's probably true.

    Happy April 1st, boys, girls and invisible ponies.

    1. Escritores


      Wait, wait... Hold up for a second...

      "Not everything posted on the internet is true."


      Now you tell me!!!

  9. I don't smile so it's unsettling people when I do. Especially if I keep doing it.

    /smile /smile /smile /smile

    1. Ciritty
    2. Kiernon


      Thank you for making the /smile bug even creepier.

      I'm sure I'll have that song stuck in my head whenever I see it from now on.