Single Status Update
Forgive me the whining but if I don't get this out of my system somehow I'm going to explode.
So my cat just died. On the way to the vet, with no warning besides him refusing to eat yesterday. Gastric cancer presumably.
I'm at a loss for words. Everything reminds me of the 15 years he's been a part of my life and that he's just gone now.
I keep losing my train of thought, the only thing that's coming to me is "FUCK!!!" Big, angry, red, capital letters, multiple exclamation marks and all, I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs. That and the icy razor in my gut.
There's never a good timing for these things but this is the worst, there's nobody around I can talk to. I'm afraid I'm just asking for another bout of depression. Actually afraid, because I dread the havoc it would wreak on the fragile semblance of order I built in my daily life.
I can't even decide if I want to yell or cry.
If anyone needs me I'll be wallowing in misery under my blanket. Then trying to force myself to go out and see people.
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Don't you worry, you're not intruding. I wouldn't have posted this if I didn't seek dialogue.
In fact your reply means a lot to me because I don't actually have a lot of friends and this community is precious to me. Thank you.
The loss of a loved pet seems like something most people can empathize with regardless of knowing the other person or not.
But if you happen to be interested in myself and why I'm making such a big deal out of this it's in part because I've had him for half my life and in part because of my mental condition.
suffering fromliving with depression, I'm terrible with people I'm not familiar with and I don't leave the house often.
It's almost like I've lost a friend on Monday.
The last two days were hard, trying to go to sleep on Monday night in particular, but I'm slowly regaining my mental balance.
I fiercely miss my cat but I'm not falling down the dark pit I've been afraid of.
Things aren't all right but they could be worse.
A huge part of this is owed to a friend who despite being unable to see me in person on account of living on the other end of Germany spent five hours on the phone talking to me.
What my friends are lacking in quantity they make up in quality. And that seems like a fine thought to end on.
Oh, I'm so glad! And I'm very happy to hear that you had someone who was such a great friend who took the time to make sure you had a shoulder to lean on. That's fantastic.
Living with depression is a tough battle that a couple of very dear friends of mine also struggle through each day. I would never presume to know how hard that is, but I think it says a lot about your progress/coping abilities that you are open about it and that you can reach out to your friends when you need a boost.
On a completely different note, I think that your writing is really lovely and it was your character profile for Ryjalon that inspired me to create an IC blog of my own, which has given me all sorts of great creative outlets to explore. So thank you for that. :-)
I need to visit the forum more... so sorry Kiernon