Forgive me the whining but if I don't get this out of my system somehow I'm going to explode.
So my cat just died. On the way to the vet, with no warning besides him refusing to eat yesterday. Gastric cancer presumably.
I'm at a loss for words. Everything reminds me of the 15 years he's been a part of my life and that he's just gone now.
I keep losing my train of thought, the only thing that's coming to me is "FUCK!!!" Big, angry, red, capital letters, multiple exclamation marks and all, I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs. That and the icy razor in my gut.
There's never a good timing for these things but this is the worst, there's nobody around I can talk to. I'm afraid I'm just asking for another bout of depression. Actually afraid, because I dread the havoc it would wreak on the fragile semblance of order I built in my daily life.
I can't even decide if I want to yell or cry.
If anyone needs me I'll be wallowing in misery under my blanket. Then trying to force myself to go out and see people.