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Hreb    48

Add your favorite recipes here, do your best to include all the amounts and cooking times, as well as about how many it serves.

Simple recipes that don’t take too long to make

Don’t take much skill or timing

And are not finicky - small mistakes should make no difference /or/ if it’s a baking recipe, make it as forgiving as possible.   Baking is much pickier than meal type cooking, so when you are baking, be as precise as you can and follow directions carefully until you are pretty experienced.

Recipes should not require ingredients that are hard to find or tend to be expensive, please no lamb, saffron, or marshmallow fluff.  These are only easy to find in a few places.

Please write step by step, as if writing them out for a 15 year old to follow, do not assume any experience on the part of your audience.

break these rules if you like, but make sure you put in a warning


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Hreb    48


As in the game, the right gear can really make a difference.


Non-Stick cookware: for noobs this can make you way happier at cleanup time, and if you are not super worried about toxins, it’s nice.  BUT you gotta be gentle with it.  That means only using scrubbies that are meant for non-stick pots and utensils that are with plastic coated or wooden, which are slightly more of a pain to clean, in exchange for pots and pans that are slightly easier to clean.  Scratched up peeling coating will get into your body and that just can’t be a good thing, so you gotta keep it from scratching and throw it away if it’s scratched much.

Plain steel or aluminum cookware: sometimes heavier which is nice, but can be harder to clean.  Use any scrubbie you like and any utensils, including knives.  There is a finish on these and you can fuck it up with enough abrasives, but it isn’t easy.

Cast Iron: F%#$# heavy, but with time and care you can make it naturally fairly non stick.  You season it, and then from then on only wash it with blistering hot water and a scrub brush, no soap.  Not really a good choice for noobs, and most people are not willing to put up with more than a cast iron skillet.  Bonus: most cast iron can go right into the oven!  I adore my cast iron skillet, but have to admit, at washing time, it’s a real wrist workout.  For frying, cast iron cannot be beat.  If you get one and don’t know how to season it, I have a fairly easy method, pm me.

Enamel coated cookware is very often cast iron coated in enamel, and so is f^%^%$) heavy /AND/ if you scratch it or chip it, you gotta toss it.  Not recommended, even though it’s pretty.


As a noob cook, I got a fairly heavy set of steel  and aluminum cookware with fairly heavy bottoms.  Thick bottoms on the bottom of cookware means the heat spreads more evenly and things burn a little less often.  I still use most of them.


No matter what, you have to pay attention to the cooking, or stuff will burn.


Pieces: you must have the bolded things, although I’ve included other things that make life easier.  Strong suggestions.

large pasta pot, should look like you can cook food for an army in it, smaller pots make for gooey sticky slightly crunchy pasta, yuck. A heavy bottom on this will be nice but you can live without it.

Medium saucepan big enough to cook yourself a couple cans of soup without splashing over.  A second smaller sauce pot is darn handy.  Heavy bottoms on these are the best, they help spread heat evenly and prevent scorching.

Medium or large skillet, depending on how many people you have to feed regularly.  Heavy skillets cook most evenly, but I managed for years with a thin one.

Rectangular oven pan like for baking cakes, you can get away with a square one, both are nice to have.  Can be used to bake cakes, but also for roasting and baking dinner type food.  These commonly come in nonstick, steel, aluminum, or pyrex, all are nice, pyrex is great but you have to be gentle, same with non stick.  Steel or aluminium you can bang the crap out of and it’s just fine.

Mixing bowl set

Slotted spoon, thin metal egg flipper spatula, rubber mixing spatula,  wooden or bamboo spoon, soup ladles, extra slotted spoons, big spoons, other spatulae, etc.  Whisks are nice, but you can use a fork for most whisking needs as a noob.  If you have non-stick cookware, buy utensils that won’t scratch the finish, either wooden or plastic coated or just plastic.  If you can find you a pair of food tongs you’ll love them so much you’ll want two of them.

measuring cups for liquids  esp in the US liquid measure is juuuust different enough from dry that if you are baking, it’ll mess you up.  Stupid, I know.  I believe that since the Euro’s use the metric system, this is not an issue for them.  But liquids are often measured in liters and dry stuff in grams.  Ask your mum for these, or another cooking relative, they’ll get you the right kind.

measuring cup set for dry goods  (super important if you intend to bake)  Europeans often use a small scale.  Like the above, a friend or relative can make sure you get the right kind for your area.  Also get measuring spoons for smaller amounts, meant for your area.

Big stabby choppy chef knife, +  small paring knife, as sharp as possible, and a cutting board that’s easy to clean.  You can’t have too many of this sort of thing, nor can they be too sharp.  You may really really enjoy owning a carrot peeler, it’s a good idea, even if technically you can use a small knife.

Some kind of large pasta strainer/colander.

a couple of potholders, at least two decent oven mitts, and a couple of dishtowels

aluminum foil and paper towels, saran wrap, waxed paper are all nice too.

A grater for cheese or carrots OR buy these things preshredded.  Up to you.

a kitchen timer is awfully nice but i’d be willing to bet there’s an app for it. You must have some good way of timing food.  A watch or phone will do, but some kind of timer will probably work best.

some cheap possibly even the disposable tupperware, some plastic stuff to store leftovers in the fridge in, and get a ceramic thing of some kind to reheat stuff in the microwave if you use one, cheap plastic tends to melt >.<  but cheap plastic can be pitched out in case you accidentally let something go biohazard.

There’s other stuff you can have (can you really ever have too many kitchen toys?) but you can get along without them until your relatives get wind of you not having them and give them to you for your birthday.

Other stuff: hand electric mixer, small food processor, blender, toaster oven, garlic press, lemon squeezer, muffin tins, vegetable steamers, flour sifters, basting brush, grease separators, gravy boat, salad spinner, man, there’s really no end to it.



Kitchen suggestions: try to keep as many of these things on hand as you can for those times when you ought to have gone to the store yesterday but didn’t, and you are flat broke and can’t afford magic food.


-some kind of dry pasta: spaghetti noodles are very versatile, but really any type of Italian noodle will do

-soy sauce

-canned plain beans of a variety you like, I like pintos

-butter or margarine

-plain cooking oil, canola or vegetable is good

-parmesan cheese, grated, in a can, chunks that you grate yourself, whatever you like

-a frozen vegetable that you like, that hasn’t been in the freezer for more than a month.  Old veggies don’t taste good and aren’t very nutritious, so why bother eating them?  If you don’t mind them or even like them, canned veggies do last a very very long time without you having to pay any attention to them, but they are not terribly nutritious compared to fresh or frozen.

-fresh garlic:  it actually will last a very long time if you keep it somewhere dry and dark and leave it in it’s weird papery poddy bulb until you are ready to use it.  There are several tricks to fresh garlic to make it pretty easy to use, and it really makes for a nicer flavor than the bottled chopped stuff, and if what you cook isn’t pretty tasty, you won’t cook.  If it looks discolored, moldy, squishy, icky, or smells weird, it’s gone bad.

There are cookbooks put out by America’s Test Kitchen and others that are really good for not too experienced cooks.  They have really good instructions for basic kitchen techniques.  Learning to do simple stuff like saute (sounds fancy but it’s easy) will expand your ability to cook very easy but still very tasty food.

The following things can be used to really enhance the flavor of the simple dishes you can make with the above, having them around is nice:

-olive oil as well as plain cooking oil: there are controversies and olive oil snobs, and a scandal involving hazelnut oil.  If you can afford it, get the extra virgin.  In the unlikely event you need to impress someone with your olive oil, do some research, find a brand that is certified as real olive oil, and buy the extra virgin of that.  Otherwise, just get something you can afford, if you are on a serious tight budget, skip the olive oil.  You can bake with it but it’s best used in situations where the flavor will actually show because it is expensive.  Keep regular vegetable or canola oil around for baking.

-canned broth, chicken goes with just about everything, vegetable too, beef not so much

Cubed bullion is superduper salty but otherwise does work, and it keeps for a very long time.  You will not want to add any other salt to the recipe even if it calls for it, or your dish will be a salt lick XP  Always taste before adding salt.

-Steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, some sort of tasty spicy sauce in a bottle meant for meat, more than one if you like, ketchup does not count.

-canned diced tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, pureed tomatoes, other such tomato products.  Use one that you like, if you think chopped cooked tomatoes are icky, use tomato paste.  If you keep quite a few of these on hand you can make homemadeish spaghetti sauce out of them in an emergency that has a nice fresh garlicky taste.

-lemon or lime juice, keep this in the fridge, and don’t keep it too long, it’ll get nasty after a few weeks even though it’s acidic.

-eggs. they are usually a cheap source of yummy protein that can be fixed a dozen ways.  They also do not last forever.  Use the use by date, or if there’s only a sell by, get rid of them after 3 weeks.  Store them in the fridge.  If you hard boil them you have to use them faster, 3 days.  Food poisoning is miserable, it’s the worst sick I’ve been in my life and i have been siiiiick, so don’t risk it, it lasts for days, you will miss work and could land in the hospital  >.<

-your favorite cheese: real cheese if you intend to impress someone, eat plastic cheese if you must, but for company spring for real cheese, even if it’s plain cheddar.

One or two more tips and I will post a recipe, I swear


Edited by Hreb
compacted for convience
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Hreb    48

Food Poisoning \o/

Man, nothing is more miserable, so don’t eat iffy food.  Food poisoning can land you in the hospital, make you miss a ton of work or school, and make you puke for days.  If you’ve never had it, be glad, it was hands down the worst sick I’ve ever been.  Some people get it easy, I do not, you may not, but still it’s dumb to take chances.

So, don’t leave food out.  Put it in the fridge.  Don’t eat food that’s been out more than 4 hours.  Don’t reheat anything more than once, throw the leftover leftovers away.  Reheating things good and hot will help kill the germs but will not guarantee you won’t get sick if there are a lot of germs already.  Most things should not be left in the fridge more than a few days, because the cold slows down the germs but does not kill them.  Even freezing will not completely stop all the germs.  Acidic stuff, pickled stuff, sealed stuff like raw eggs or stuff in a package that hasn’t been opened all can last long long times.  Steak sauces and mustards and whatnot last months, opened spaghetti sauce does not.  Things like pasta, meat, potatoes, soups and other things like that go bad within a few days in the fridge.

Room temperature is perfect for bacterial growth, so either store food colder than 40 degrees F/ 4.5 degrees C or hotter than 120 degrees F/49 degrees C.

Dented cans - do not buy them.  If a can gets dented by you just pop it in your fridge and use it reasonably soon.  For all you know that can in the store has been dented for months, more than long enough to acquire a good case of botulism.  Dented cans of non acidic things like soup or tuna can actually kill you, so just give each can a feel in the store and don’t buy anything dented, or worse, puffy.  Note that some dented cans are safe but leave deciding that to the food professionals, fuck getting food poisoning to save a few cents.

Raw chicken is notorious for salmonella, pork for trichinosis, either of these can be foiled completely by throwing away iffy, slimy, or bad smelling meat, and by cooking the nice fresh meat all the way through, to 140 F/66 C if you have a food thermometer, or until the meat is not raw looking anymore all the way through when you cut it in half at the thickest bit.  You should be similarly careful with ground meat, cook hamburger all the way through.  Raw eggs can also host salmonella and if possible should not be eaten raw.  There are advanced techniques for avoiding this, but generally beginners will want to avoid raw eggs, just cook them.

Steak (beef or buffalo) is another matter, always avoid bad smelling, slimy, or sticky meat, but nonground solid lumps of beef can be cooked medium rare safely so long as all sides of the meat have been seared thoroughly.  The idea here is that the unsafe bacteria have not penetrated the inside and if you cook the outside you’ll be capable of killing enough that the meat is safe.  Searing will get explained in the next post.  But it’s pretty self explanatory.  

Some restaurants are good enough at food safety to make you a rare burger.  Only chance this at the finer burger joints.  Unless it’s a real dump, medium-rare steak is safe most places.

Chicken and Pork should always be well cooked, Fish I would only eat raw at a reputable place.  Fish experts know how to avoid giving you fish parasites.


Kitchen runs for noobs:


Peel it:

garlic needs all the papery stuff removed, to make that easier squash the clove until it makes a crunch noise but is not totally flat, then the papery crap will come off much easier.  You can

either chop garlic with a knife into itty bitty bits or use a device called a garlic press to do this in an instant BUT you must immediately wash the garlic press or the garlic will dry into an Intractable Substance that is a royal bitch to get off the garlic press.


onions need all the papery crap plus one layer of the juicy stuff removed.  Far too often the uppermost juicy layer seems fine till you cook it, then it dehydrates into plasticy thin crap, so just peel the hell out of your onions before you chop them.  Onions can be chopped small or big, depends on how you like them.  Keep your face away from the chopping as much as you can, don’t breathe in the onion juice, and wash your hands afterwards so you don’t get onion juice in your eyes.  If your eyes sting take a break, step away, and wash your face and hands.  For some, a little lemon juice rubbed on the hands will knock back the smell.  Do not get lemon juice in your eyes.  Dumping a big pile of onions into a hot pot then breathing deeply is a bad idea.


Fresh chiles of any kind - the skin of some chile needs to be removed, but it’s kind of an advanced procedure.  Removing the seeds should remove a lot of the heat but plenty of chiles are blistering on their own.  Chopping chiles can release chile juice into the air and onto your hands, so like with onions, keep your face back and wash your hands, and don’t rub it in your eyes.


Carrots and potatoes are normally peeled before cooking.  If you opt not to peel them, scrub the crap out of them.  Same goes for apples and other such things.  If you don’t have a veggie peeler you can use a small sharp knife but be careful, it’s a common way to wind up cutting yourself.

Dull knives cut people way more often than sharp ones, because they slip off their intended target and slice into your tender flesh.  Be careful.  Be careful washing knives in the sink, in murky water you might grab the sharp bits and cut yourself, use common sense and keep track of knives.


If something you are cooking catches fire stay cool and just drop a lid on the pot.  The flames will snuff right out.  For an uncontained fire cooly reach for the baking soda and dump that on liberally.  DO NOT dump water on any kitchen fire.  That can result in explosions of steam and hot oil and a visit to the emergency room, horrible burns etc.  Could also lead to electrical fires. etc.  If you are worried about it, get a fire extinguisher rated for kitchen fires.  If you pay attention, don’t let stuff burn, and never add oil to a hot pot, you’re pretty unlikely to run into this problem.

Do not add hot anything to a very cold piece of glass, or cold anything to hot glass, it tends to shatter.


Basic Cooking Techniques


Not leaving the kitchen to check your email or watch a video - I can tell right now that’s how dinner gets burned.  Bring light non-reading entertainment into the kitchen with you if you gotta, something that won’t make you miss the timer dinging.  Paying attention to food can be dull but it’s what keeps stuff from burning.  If something is in the oven for 20 min or more, then bring the timer with you, under those circumstances you can leave the kitchen.  If you are new to the baking roasting process, check the dish 10 min before it’s supposed to be done, because ovens differ and some run hot, and the recipe you are following does not know that.   


Boiling Water for Pasta

use the giant pasta pot and plenty of water, the pasta needs lots of water and room to move to cook nicely. Put the pot on the stove with just the water in it and crank up the heat.  Wait for the water to hit what’s called a high rolling boil before you add the pasta and start the timer.  It should be boiling like crazy.  Then add the pasta and start the timer.   Follow the package directions for timing, different pastas take different times.   Don’t overcook pasta, mushy pasta is nasty.  When the timer goes off drain the pasta using the strainer.  If you have a little canned broth in your fridge you can add a little of this to the drained pasta, it will help prevent it from all sticking together, so will a little bit of butter.  It’s best to use or serve the pasta soon as possible, because nothing short of full on sauce will keep pasta from becoming a mass of noodle if you wait too long.


Saute!  It sounds fancy, but sauteing is only a type of frying.

 Use a skillet, about a tablespoon of oil, olive oil if possible, medium-high heat.  Move the bits of food around a lot as they fry so they don’t burn.  Cook them only for a few minutes, so that meat is good and brown on all sides and veggies are barely tender.  Use movement to prevent sticking, adding more oil to a hot pan can result in an exciting and dinner ruining fire.  Some things don’t saute well, like potatoes and carrots, cut them small, rinse off the extra starch, pat them dry with a paper towel, and use extra oil to begin with.  Some things saute really well, like zucchini, mushrooms, bell pepper, onions and meat.  Cut them into evenly sized pieces if you can, they will cook more evenly.


Searing meat or browning meat:

the basic idea is to expose all sides of the meat to high heat, searing the meat and killing germs and locking in juice and flavor.  If you have tongs, this will be way easier.  Coat your skillet with a thin layer of cooking oil.  Heat your skillet up to medium high, until the oil shimmers.  Lay in the meat, sear the crap out of it till it’s brown, carefully peel the meat (most likely sticking) up and do that to another surface.  Continue until all surfaces are seared but good. At that point you can continue to cook the meat according to the recipe, it is not cooked, and will be quite raw in the middle.   Messy, and makes a pain in the ass pan to clean, but delicious.  To clean the pan easier: remove the meat to a plate, while the pan is still hot on the stove pour in a ½ cup of broth, wine, or water, use a spatula to scrape up the stuck stuff into the liquid, then you can either make a sauce from the liquid or add it to whatever dish you are making,  Tasty, and you get the Deglazing achievement, because that’s what you just did.


Spices including garlic tend to burn easy, so add them in during a wet phase, if you try to add them during a hot dry phase they are likely to burn.


Roasting is a delicious and unfussy way to cook a whole meal in one pan, but it takes a couple of hours depending on what you are cooking.  You cook in the oven at a low (250 -300 degrees F /100-150 degrees C) temp.  If you cover the dish with an oven safe lid or some tin foil it will cook much faster and moister but be less crispy tasty, you can cure this by removing the lid/foil for the last 20-45 min.  Use your cake pan or get a good size roasting pan with reasonably high sides, but not gigantic unless you fancy roasting 20 lb turkeys all the time.  Look for recipes, because ingredients and cook times/temps will differ.  Be mindful of the size of your oven, it is possible to buy a pan that’s too dang big for the smaller ovens.  


Don’t worry too much if you burn stuff sometimes, or oversalt stuff, or overcook.  You’ll get the hang of it.


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Auroris    160

Food Poisoning \o/

Man, nothing is more miserable, so don’t eat iffy food.  Food poisoning can land you in the hospital, make you miss a ton of work or school, and make you puke for days.  If you’ve never had it, be glad, it was hands down the worst sick I’ve ever been.  Some people get it easy, I do not, you may not, but still it’s dumb to take chances.

This. So much this.

Enjoying this. Can't contribute too much. Most of my meals either involve parents cooking, or something from the supermarket cooked in the microwave or something. :P Also pizza.

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Hreb    48

Bean and cheese TACOS!

for 3-4 people, or 2 very hungry ones  Meat variation follows


List A:  the stuff that will get cooked:

-1 can of refried pinto beans, plain, preferably fat free vegetarian, they are a bit better for you, but get your favorite kind*

-1 cup of your favorite picante sauce,

or if you can’t get picante sauce:

    -a clove of garlic, pressed or chopped small

    -if you like tomatoes, a ½ cup of canned diced tomatoes, or a small tomato, diced

    -some of your favorite hot sauce, I recommend Cholula original as a nice taste, not too frikken hot, start with a tablespoon, add in more if you can’t taste it a little


-a tablespoon of oil, any oil will do

Spices are nice, use the following if you possibly can: a dash of either ground cloves or ground allspice, ½ teaspoon of powdered cumin, ½ teaspoon of dry leaf oregano

-salt and more hot sauce are things you can add only if you have tasted the dish, often canned beans have plenty of salt already, and often you will get more bang out of hot sauce added individually

-I think in desperation if you can’t get those spices you could take a spoonfull or two of commercially prepared taco sauce mix and add that in.


List B, the taco Decorations:

-enough shredded cheese to make you happy, for this recipe I usually shred a ⅓ pound, which is quite a bit.  I like cheese.  Cheddar or Monterey Jack or similar.

-1 large or 2 small tomatoes diced small

-a small heap of lettuce chopped fine, if you will eat it.  Why buy and chop it if you won’t, it’s not like lettuce is a nutritional superstar, so don’t bother if you don’t like it

-sour cream if you like, as well as additional hot sauce, Mexican hot sauce will go best


-enough plain flour tortillas in the taco size for each person to have at least 2 tacos, maybe 3 each.  You can also use crunchy prefolded corn tortillas, or spread the stuff on flat crunchy corn tortillas.  Soft corn tortillas are amazing fresh, but if they come in a bag, are not recommended.  Corn tortilla chips will do in a pinch but they are salty and high in fat.



get out your skillet,  and dump in all of the List A ingredients, stir well, and put on medium heat.  Let it all get hot and the flavors mingle.  The beans will be stiff at first, then get runny as they get hot.  All you need to do is heat this dish though, there’s nothing that needs true cooking, so get it hot, stir it occasionally to keep it from burning to the bottom, turn off the heat and let it mingle for at least 5 minutes, but don’t let it burn.  Burnt beans are horrible smelling. >.<

While it’s heating and mingling, you’ll have time to chop and shred the decorations.  Cut the tomatoes into little cubes maybe a cm across or so, the lettuce into small bits, and shred the cheese if you didn’t buy it shredded and you own a grater.  If you don’t...uh….chop it up small, but it’ll be  pain.  Set out the sour cream and hot sauce.


Each person can assemble their own tacos, I’d start with two each and the hungry people can make more.  Assembly is up to the individual, traditionally one puts a layer of beans on a tortilla, then adds what one likes to the top, folds it in half and eats it carefully with your hands.  Eating tacos neatly takes practice.



-don’t overstuff your tacos, fat tacos are hard to eat

-guacamole or avocado is nice on these, if you can get it

-leftover ground beef or beef sauce for spaghetti is a nice addition to the beans, the cumin and allspice will probably overwhelm any other flavors, esp italian


*in the unlikely event you cannot find refried beans in a can look for plain pinto beans and buy two cans.  Cannellini or white beans are not too far off, and may have to do. Using your strainer drain all the goopy crap out of the beans,** lightly rinse them, then put them in a small pot or medium mixing bowl with a little oil. Smoosh them ruthlessly until they are pastelike and resemble refried beans.  Vilola!


**this stuff is Fart Juice, removing this will make your beans somewhat less intestinally stimulating!  Somewhat.  Add a little plain water if you need liquid.

I’ll gladly teach you how to cook your own pintos but that’s work, pm me if you want to do that.  It will net you tons and tons of delicious beans. Good old beans.  Beans every day for a week.


Substitute for the cooked ingredients:

-1 lb ground very lean beef:  9% fat or less (ground turkey, chicken or pork at your own risk, the taste and texture and fat content will be different)

-1 cup of your favorite picante sauce,

or if you can’t get picante sauce:

    -a clove of garlic, pressed or chopped small

    -if you like tomatoes, a ½ cup of canned diced tomatoes, or a small tomato, diced

    -some of your favorite hot sauce, I recommend Cholula as a nice taste, not too frikken hot

-½ cup water

Spices: a dash of either cloves or allspice, ½ teaspoon of powdered cumin, ½ teaspoon of oregano, a little salt (add ½ teaspoon then stir and taste, add small amounts if need be, I do not add any salt at all)


Fry the meat in a big skillet, use your metal spatula to mash and chop the meat up to fine bits, until it’s all browned and there’s no pink/red.

then add in the other ingredients once the meat is cooked.  Add the spices last.  Stir it all well then let it come to a bubble, and then turn down the heat till it’s barely bubbling and let it cook for a bit until it’s thick enough for you.  Be careful not to let it burn, so stir it and move it off the heat once it gets thick enough.


Everything else is the same as above.


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Hreb    48

Roast Beast with Potatoes

Uses several steps and more dishes, but not really all that hard.  You can actually roast things by throwing it all in a pan and baking it for a long time till it’s done.  This recipe is slightly more fussy than that, but only a little, it’s pretty medieval.  And it comes out so good.



Get you a solid lump of beast meat, pork, beef, venison, buffalo, moose, whatever.  At least ½ pound per person, more if you are part werewolf.

Get some of the following vegetable matter: carrots, potatoes, mushrooms, garlic, and if you like them celery, celery root, parsnips, onions, fresh green beans

I use a small package of precut “baby” carrots and four small white potatoes, and a package of mushrooms with 2 lbs or so of beef roast to feed three hungry people with a few leftovers.  Get more or less depending on how many people you are feeding and how big your pan is.  All that pretty well fills up a cake pan.

If you are doing venison then get 2 strips of bacon to drape over the roast after it’s all been put in the pan.  Luxury. This is because venison is so low in fat that the bacon fat helps replace that and keeps the venison from being overly dry.  This is probably tasty but overkill on anything else.

Have at hand some oil, and either broth, wine, water, or sherry, some rosemary for spice, and black pepper and salt



If you get whole carrots, peel the carrots and cut off anything ugly off the taters.  Cut the taters and carrots into pieces, bite size or a bit bigger.  Celery root needs to be peeled, so do onions, chop everything into maybe one inch cubes or so.   If you get green beans cut off the ends and cut em in 1-2 inch pieces.  Peel the papery crap off 3-4 cloves of  garlic and cut each clove into 4 pieces.  Use fewer cloves if you dislike garlic.  Carrot tops and the leafy bits of the celery you can toss out or give to a bunny.

Throw it all in a mixing bowl and drizzle a tablespoon of oil on it, and stir it to kinda get oil on everything.



get out your skillet, and put in a tablespoon of oil.  Put on medium high heat.  Do one of the following:

-Outright sear that lump of meat, and once it’s seared, put it in the cake pan or roasting pan if you got one.


-dredge the meat in flour, which will eventually make something a bit gravyish.  This means you put about 2 tablespoons of flour and some ground pepper on a plate, spread it out some, then coat the lump of beef in this mixture best you can, without too many thick goopy bits.  Then sear the meat that way.  It’ll stick, act like it’s gonna burn, and generally be a bit more of a pain.  Soon as the meat is brown all over (remember to roll it around in the pan) take the meat out, put it into the cake pan, then add some broth, wine, or water to the skillet, deglaze that sucker, and put all that in the cake pan.  Yum.


either is ok, and will come out yummy.  Dredging is slightly nicer, but really, we all do it the lazy way sometimes, even gramma does.

on venison, drape your bacon at this stage, while the lump of meat is in the cake pan



Put the mushrooms in the bottom of the pan and pour in any pan juices if you haven’t alreaady.  If you have none, then either a ⅓ to ½ cup of water, broth, wine, or sherry should go in.  Booze is a decent substitute for broth.  I haven’t tried it, but I’d be willing to bet beer or JD is good in this.  With strong expensive liquor you can use mostly water or broth and add a tablespoon or two.

Dump the veggies in the cake pan and kinda level everything off, arrange it all so it stays in the pan and doesn’t stick up.

Sprinkle a ½ teaspoon of rosemary on it, or 3 sprigs of fresh rosemary if you happen to have that.


Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F (205 C).  During the startup-preheat process your oven temp does weird things and most recipies not not do well with this, so wait patiently for your oven to fully heat before putting stuff in it.


Once your oven is ready the put the roast in and check it again in an hour.  If you are a noob, check it at 40 min, then every ten till it’s done.

Unfortunately, this will not be an easily timed recipe, so don’t depend on serving it at a specific time until you’ve done it enough to know how your oven and altitude work with it.

If it seems like it’s done, pull it out.

cut up and taste a carrot and a potato, and if that is done, cut open the meat.  If it is beef, you have seared it, it’s ok so long as it has cooked some and isn’t raw, but you may like it more cooked, in that case, put it in for longer.   Pork needs to be done all the way through, so does chicken.  A food themometer is right handy for pork, it should read 160 F inserted to the middle of the thickest part.  The potatoes should be done completely, the carrots might still be a tad chewy.  I like them like that.  If you want them cooked through you can either cook them more separately (nuke them for 5 min or so) or cook it all more but you risk overcooking the meat.

If it needs more time, put it back in, check in 20 min or so.  Put a layer of aluminium foil on and check to make sure your oven is reasonably hot if it seems really not done.  400 degrees F is pretty hot, and should be cooking the crap out of it by now.


Once everything is done to your liking you can pull it out, put the meat on a platter and carve it into slices, and stir the veggies in the juices/gravy.  Serve with salt on the side.  There is no real salt in this recipe, so each person can add their own.  Broth has some salt, so taste stuff before adding salt.


Edited by Hreb
forgot somthing >.<
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Hreb    48

Black Bean Enchiladas


Man, this sounds snooty, but it is so frikkin easy.  Once you get the hang of it, takes 15 min flat start to dinner.   It's Cal-Mex, rather than Tex-Mex.  If you don't like black beans you can use pintos and make it a little less California.

Feeds 3 hungry people, for more double the recipe, and put any leftovers in the fridge, they are really good reheated the next day.  You will need a bigger pan or more than one pan if you double up.


Dump the following into a medium sauce pot:

2 drained rinsed cans of plain Black Beans, drain all the goop out and lightly rinse them in a colander.  It'll make them a bit less farty, and it's too much liquid, so drain 'em.

1 cup of chicken broth

1 cup of your favorite salsa

Put it on medium heat and stir well.  Let it get hot but pull it off the heat once it's hot.  Let it cool a little and mingle.

Get 6 flour tortillas out and either your cake pan or the square cake pan, pyrex dish, whatever you can put in the oven.  Preheat the oven to 350 F.

OK, gotta do the next bit like an abeula, without burning yourself.  So hold the tortillas flat across your left hand, tilt them so liquids will run back into the pot, and pay attention, don't let the hot bean stuff run across your hand.

Using your slotted spoon fill each tortilla with a scoop of beans, let the worst of the liquid drain back into the pot.  Roll it, and place it in the pan in such a manner that it stays rolled.  This takes a little practice.  If you just can't get it to work then layer the tortillas and beans in the pan.

Once you have all the tortillas filled then take the remaining stuff in the saucepot and dump it onto the enchiladas.  Spread it around.

Shred enough cheddar cheese to thickly coat the top of the enchiladas, cheddar is tastiest. You'll need at least a cup and a 1/2.  Spread that on the top evenly, then place the dish in the oven for 5 min to melt the cheese.  If you want to heat it more either heat it without the cheese on it yet or put foil over the top, overheating the cheese makes it chewy and not as creamy and nice.

Once you've done this once or twice it takes maybe 15 min to make the whole thing.  Beans, cheese, picante, broth, tortillas, sour cream.  Simple as Hell.

Serve with lots of sour cream and extra hot sauce.  So rich and lovely.  For most people 2 of the enchiladas are pretty filling.


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Hreb    48

Beany Noodles!!!

Otherwise known as emergency food: What to do with that stuff that you keep on hand for when you didn't shop for real food.


Variation A

Cook up the pasta, while you are timing it add in  1/2 cup or so of the frozen veggies per person when the timer is at 4 minutes, cook it all together, drain it all in the colander.  Dump it back in the pot.  If you like veggies, well don't let me hold you back, use more!

Drain and rinse a can of beans for some protein.  Gently add them in so they don't sqush too much.

Add in enough butter to make everything all nice and buttery, usually about 2 tablespoons worth if you are cooking for 3, depends on how much you like butter.

Sprinkle on some black pepper and some Parmesan cheese, gently toss to coat.


Variation B

Make Var A, add in a clove of garlic along with the butter, chopped up teeny tiny or crushed in a garlic press.


Variation C

Cook up the pasta, while you are timing it add in  1/2 cup or so of the frozen veggies per person when the timer is at 4 minutes, cook it all together, drain it all in the colander.  Dump it back in the pot.  If you like veggies, well don't let me hold you back, use more!

Add in a tablespoon or so of soy sauce, and some black pepper.  If you've got some, adding in a little dash of ground ginger is nice, as is a tablespoon or so of lemon or lime juice.  If you have it, Sriracha is real nice too.

You can try beans here, I like a little egg better for protein.  What I normally do is put the dish back on the stove on medium heat, add a little oil (in this case you are allowed, because the pot isn't that hot), let it heat up for a min or two, and then scramble a couple eggs right into the mixture.

Taste the dish, and add in a little more soy sauce if it's too bland.  You could also add in garlic if you like it.



Beany Veggies!

Get out your skillet, add a 1/3 cup of water or broth to it, get it boiling hot, then add in about a cup of frozen veggies per person you are feeding.  Cook for about 3 min till they are hot and tender, not frozen and tough.  May have to taste test them a bit.

Add in a can of drained rinsed beans, stir gently.

Mediterranean version:  Adding in any of the following things will get you kind of a Mediterranean or Italian flavor:  tomato stuff, garlic, butter, Parmesan, and if you have any, oregano, basil, or parsley

Oriental version:  Adding any of these will get you an oriental flavor: soy sauce, scrambled egg, and if you have it, ground ginger, lemon or lime juice, Sriracha, or garlic.

BBQ version is really more of a side dish, add in a good shot of your steak sauce, maybe some tomato sauce or paste (paste will be a lot less runny, and you only need a tablespoon or so, put the rest in the fridge or pitch it.  Stir it, let it heat for a few minutes, then taste it to see if it needs more sauce.  Pretty decent with a pork chop fried on medium heat for 3 min a side or so.



Heuvos Rancheros

Get out your skillet and put in a tablespoon of butter or oil if butter is verboten to you.  Coat the skillet with it, then heat it on medium, till the butter is sizzling or the oil is shimmering.  Fry about two eggs per person, flip them over gently using your thin metal egg flipping spatula.  They will be ugly, because this takes quite a bit of practice, don't worry, just get them cooked.  I can only do two eggs at a go and have to use a lot of oil.  Scramble them if you gotta.  Slide them all onto one plate and stick them either in the oven or the microwave, it'll keep them a little warmer. 

Back to the pan.  Add a little more butter if the pan is dry, otherwise add in a can of drained rinsed beans, a little hot sauce, some canned chopped tomatoes, and some garlic.  Heat gently.  Taste them, and try adding in a little steak sauce, see how that works: use a spoon to pull out a few beans, add a drop of you sauce to them and taste it.   Only add it to the pot if it's good in small amounts.  A-1 is usually good, Worcestershire is good, curry....I dunno.  Try it though, in small increments.

If you got them, serve two eggs and a big scoop of beans with a tortilla or two, otherwise, just beans and eggs,  Hot sauce on the side.


If it's amazing, write down exactly what you did right away so you can reproduce it, you think you'll remember, but you won't :P


Shredded cheese is nice on some of these dishes, depends on how much you like cheese.  Shredded cheese plus cooked eggs is nice but kinda high in fat.  A lot of people like shredded cheese melted a bit on top of veggies.  This is really an individual thing though.


Edited by Hreb
forgot somehing
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Hreb    48

Here is my buddy Robbie the ex-Marine's Texas Chili Recipe:

Robbie don't know how to cook, so he keeps it simple.

1 lb or more really really lean ground beef*, cooked and crumbled in the bottom of a big ol pasta pot.
2 cans or more of Ranch Style Beans (depending on how beany you like your chili)
1 can of diced tomatoes or more if you like cooked tomatoes, including the liquid
2 tablespoons of red chile powder, or more.
1/4 tsp cayenne chile if you like that sort of thing

if you haven't already, cook all the ground beef in the bottom of your giant pasta pot, crumble it up so it looks like chili meat
dump all the other stiff in, liquid and all even from the beans, into a big pasta pot, in this case you do want the bean liquid
heat it on medium, stir it gently so you don't crush the beans but don't let it burn to the bottom of the pot, it'll burn easier than you think :P
let it heat till bubbling gently
let it simmer for 5 min, then taste it, adjust the amount of chile, let it simmer 5 more min at least
once it's as spicy as you like it call it food
serve it with shredded cheddar cheese and plain white bread if you like, and if you've got a chili fiend, extra hot sauce

to dress it up slightly (this ain't really gonna dress up a lot) you can chop some onion to put on top with the cheddar cheese, or even a spoonful of sour cream

This is amazing with freshly baked cornbread, the packaged mix kind is just fine.   You will need an egg and maybe some oil or milk to make it.  Get the sweet kind of cornbread, and read the package in the grocery store to see what you'll need.  Chili and fresh cornbread is reasonably impressive if you're looking to impress somebody special.

Store it in the fridge for a few days in tupperware, or in the freezer for a couple weeks. Makes a ton.  Not a bad choice if you want to make a huge batch then store meal size portions in the freezer for later.

Ranch Style Beans are a thing here in the US, I dunno how easy they are to get in other places. Substituting other types of beans will not work out unless you also add in a bunch of other stuff. I'll post a from scratch New Mexico chile recipie that doesn't count on that kind of thing. It's more work, but not too bad and much healthier for you.





* if you wind up with higher fat in your ground beef you're going to want to drain some of the fat off once it's cooked or this will make Heartburn Rocket Sauce, which is unpleasant.  Cook the ground beef all the way, crumble it as usual, but then drain the liquids off, the messy but usual way is to strain the meat using your colander into a disposable container of some kind.  DO NOT drain fat into the sink unless you are determined to seduce a plumber.  That shit will harden and clog your pipes like you poured in a quart of axle grease, it will build up over time, and it will laugh at your efforts to remove it with mere Draino.

Edited by Hreb
forgot something important D:

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